I have come to learn that my opinion is not based in reality. In fact, as an Obama support, I'm basically a fanatic entangled in a dangerous cult. I can't understand facts anymore because my mind has been warped by Obama's all-charisma, no-content campaign. I have been manipulated by pretty words and soaring rhetoric. Hollow words like "hope" and "change".

But it's not just empty rhetoric. It turns out the candidate I have been supporting also lacks substance - you see he has no policy positions whatsoever! Check his website and you will find that from issues ranging from foreign policy to gay rights, Obama has never articulated a position or proposed a policy. Except for his healthcare proposal, which is actually a devious plot to ensure millions of Americans are never allowed access to healthcare. If you try to purchase health insurance under Senator Obama's plan, you will be fined and your children will be taken away.

And to make things worse, he also has no record! In fact he has never cast a vote in his state OR federal legislative positions. He would only vote "present", which I have come to learn is a secret way of supporting terrorists and republicans. And once he started  running for president as the overwhelming front-runner against an unknown Senator, he cast even fewer votes. He cast less than zero votes. Disgraceful.

He is un-American. He wants to have tea and cakes with the worlds worst dictators. He never learned the words to the pledge of allegiance - though rumor has it he can recite it backwards. He tried to wear a flag lapel pin, but the stars and stripes burned his skin like a thousand fiery suns.

All of his campaign donations are from major corporations and lobbyists, and he lies about this constantly. In fact, he lies all of the time, about NAFTA, about his position on the War, about his desire to unify the country. His true aim, I have come to realize, is to divide and perhaps destroy the Democratic party. He has been pursuing this goal by running stealth campaigns in small states that no other candidate even knew existed. To make things worse, he manipulates a new and dangerous process called "caucuses" to gain an unfair advantage. When all else fails, he resorts to subtly racist propaganda.

Despite his many dirty tricks and clearly Rovian campaign practices, he has still failed to win a single large state. For those new to this concept, New York and California are the only large states - and he lost both by embarrassingly small margins! The implication is clear - Real Democrats do not support him, and he can never carry these Very Important States in the general election. In fact, most of his support comes from Republicans whose only aim is to sabotage the nomination process and take it out of the hands of Real Democrats.

But none of this matters, because the only people who support Barack Obama are delusional, idealistic youth who don't REALLY know what's best for the country. And in a few short days Hillary will win every remaining state in a phenomenal landslide - because polls are always wrong - thereby allowing her to glide to the nomination and save this country from the dangerous machinations of a man whose only redeeming quality is the ability to give a couple good speeches.

Besides, if democracy fails us and Obama does manage to win the nomination, I will do what EVERY good Democrat should do. I will vote for John McCain.